goodnight

i'm reading Peter Pan In Scarlet, the official sequel to Peter Pan.

i am partial to the fairies. so sue me.

BUT ANYWAY.

while i wasn't writing you, i've been in and out of seasons.

"And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape."

that kind of sums it up.

and no, it isn't that kind of insecurity most girls my age get.

"oh my god, i'm so fat!"

"oh my god, what if he doesn't like me?"

no, it's the kind of crappy thing you get when you say you're such a great actor you even fool yourself and you feel everyone can't see you and you think everyone's treating you like a baby (when they get around to even seeing you) and the kind of thing that makes you stay up writing in your journal/big blank book and contemplate ahem.

again.